PASTEBIN | #1 paste tool since 2002 create new paste tools api archive faq PASTEBIN create new paste trending pastes sign up login my alerts my settings my profile Pastebin launched a little side project called VERYVIRAL.com, check it out ;-) Want more features on Pastebin? Sign Up, it's FREE! Public Pastes Untitled17 sec ago UntitledDiff | 18 sec ago Untitled19 sec ago LOgz19 sec ago Untitled25 sec ago jennifer's gay tea...22 sec ago Untitled33 sec ago startupLua | 30 sec ago Join HIRED & discover 1,000+ amazing tech companies looking for devs like you!ads via Carbon 0 0 theme #29 v1.1 - by titanjelly By: TitanJelly on Aug 6th, 2014 | syntax: None | size: 24.71 KB | views: 842 | expires: Never download | raw | embed | report abuse | print 1. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. Relax Into Your Being 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33. 34. 35. 36. 37. 38. 39. 40. 41. 42. 43. 44. 45. 46. 47. 48. 49. 50. 51. 52. 53. 54. 55. 56. 57. 58. 59. 60. 61. 62. 63. 64. 65. 66. 67. 68. 69. 70. 71. 72. 73. 74. 75. 76. 77. 78. 79. 80. 81. 82. 83. 84. 85. 86. 87. 88. 89. 90. 91. 92. 93. 94. 95. 96. 97. 98. 99. 100. 101. 102. 103. 105. 106. 113. 114. 631. 632. 635. 636. 655. 656. 657. 658. 659.
660. 661. 744. 745.
746.
747. 748.
749. 750. 758. 759. 765. 766. 772. 773. 779. 780. 788. 789. 799. 800. 801. 802. 803. a-delightful-moment:
“@stasia_oliveira
” 804. 805. 808. 809. 810.
811.

a-delightful-moment:

@stasia_oliveira

812. 813. 814. 822. 823. 824. 846. 847. 889. 890. 912. 913. 932. 933. 934. 943. 944. 945. 952.
953. 954. 748.
749. 750. 758. 759. 765. 766. 772. 773. 779. 780. 788. 789. 799. 800. 801. 802. 803. 804. 805. 808. 809. 813. 814. 822. 823. 824. 846. 847. 889. 890. 912. 913. 932. 933. 934. 943. 944. 945. 952.
953. 954. 748.
749. 750. 758. 759. 760.
761. 762.

eggy-boyo:

thequeensphinx:

sanders-sides-sins:

splatoon-jim:

sassy-in-glasses:

pumpkindobby:

jijarugen:

fnaf-thechoco:

pinkmanjesse:

DAY 15

GIVE IT UP FOR DAY 15

image

You can only reblog this 12 times a year

Make the most of that

Every month I reblog this and every month I’m baffled that it’s already the 15th.

I’m scheduling this for every month

IT ONLY APPEARS ON THE FIFTEENTH OF EVRY MONTH

THIS ONLY APPEARS ON 15THS WTF

*slams reblog button*

THIS IS IT! THE LAST REBLOG OF THIS POST OF THE 2010s YALL

:0 I didn’t even think about it like that-

763.
764. 765. 766. 772. 773. 779. 780. 788. 789. 799. 800. 823. 824. 846. 847. 889. 890. 912. 913. 932. 933. 934. 943. 944. 945. 952.
953. 954. 748.
749. 750. 758. 759. 765. 766. 772. 773. 779. 780. 788. 789. 799. 800. 801. 802. 803. 804. 805. 808. 809. 813. 814. 822. 823. 824. 846. 847. 889. 890. 912. 913. 932. 933. 934. 943. 944. 945. 952.
953. 954. 748.
749. 750. 758. 759. 765. 766. 772. 773. 779. 780. 788. 789. 799. 800. 801. 802. 803. cafeirene:
“IG
” 804. 805. 808. 809. 810.
811.

cafeirene:

IG

812. 813. 814. 822. 823. 824. 846. 847. 889. 890. 912. 913. 932. 933. 934. 943. 944. 945. 952.
953. 954. 748.
749. 750. 751.
752. https://href.li/?https://quotemadness.com 755. quotemadness.com 756.
757. 758. 759. 760.
761. 762.

quotemadness:

“What a terrible thing it is to wound someone you really care for and to do it so unconsciously.”

— Haruki Murakami (via quotemadness)

763.
764. 765. 766. 772. 773. 779. 780. 788. 789. 799. 800. 823. 824. 846. 847. 889. 890. 912. 913. 932. 933. 934. 943. 944. 945. 952.
953. 954. 748.
749. 750. 758. 759. 760.
761. 762.

inspodior:

miamlsunshine:

image

i n s p o d i o r

763.
764. 765. 766. 772. 773. 779. 780. 788. 789. 799. 800. 823. 824. 846. 847. 889. 890. 912. 913. 932. 933. 934. 943. 944. 945. 952.
953. 954. 748.
749. 750. 758. 759. 765. 766. 772. 773. 779. 780. 788. 789. 799. 800. 801. 802. 803. 804. 805. 808. 809. 813. 814. 822. 823. 824. 846. 847. 889. 890. 912. 913. 932. 933. 934. 943. 944. 945. 952.
953. 954. 748.
749. 750. 758. 759. 765. 766. 772. 773. 779. 780. 788. 789. 799. 800. 823. 824. 825. 826.
827. 828. 831. 832. 833.
834.

rickortytrash:

emeraldscholar:

rainbowgolded:

pantheris:

deadhisoka:

blackness-by-your-side:

image

The sign of high quality is the fact the book was banned by the government. Trash literature NEVER EVER had any troubles with the law.

FARENHEIT 451 IS ON THE BANNED BOOKS LIST???

IT’S LITERALLY ABOUT THE SOCIETAL DANGERS OF BANNING/OUTLAWING/BURNING BOOKS

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

That’s the reason it’s on the bloody list.

BECAUSE IT’S ABOUT HOW BANNING AND BURNING BOOKS IS WRONG.

HERE’S ALL THE PDF VERSIONS I COULD FIND SINCE WE’RE ALL IN QUARANTINE AND WE CAN’T PHYSICALLY GET THE BOOKS WE DON’T HAVE

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

The Autobiography of Malcolm X

Beloved

Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee (this was the only free version I could find, and it’s a downloadable thing, so do so with caution)

The Call of the Wild

Catch-22 (it was either this version or one where the entire thing was in comic sans font)

The Catcher in the Rye

Fahrenheit 451

For Whom the Bell Tolls

Gone With the Wind

The Grapes of Wrath

The Great Gatsby

Howl

In Cold Blood

Invisible Man

The Jungle (personally I don’t like this formatting, but the site doesn’t look sketchy so…) - there’s also this which is the proper book format in a pdf, but it’s directly photocopied so it might be hard to read some of the print

Leaves of Grass

Moby Dick

Native Son

Our Bodies, Ourselves (we learned about this one in APUSH!)

The Red Badge of Courage

The Scarlet Letter

COULD NOT FIND Sexual Behavior in the Human Male (the ebook is 47 fucking dollars??? and i can’t even find sketchy websites that’ll let me download a pdf. if anyone manages to find a link, lmk please)

Stranger in a Strange Land

A Streetcar Named Desire

Their Eyes Were Watching God

To Kill a Mockingbird

Uncle Tom’s Cabin

Where the Wild Things Are (this is a slideshow!!!! how fun)

COULD NOT FIND The Words of Cesar Chavez (however I did manage to download the first 71 pages of the book from EBSCO and I put it here but I couldn’t get the rest. sorry y’all)

rebloggan 4 links

This ia so wild because I am from Europe and most of them are still part of mandatory books and all of them are SO IMPORTANT for young people so they can understand psychology of people, politics and social norms? What are you guys reading instead???

835. 836. 837. 845. 846. 847. 889. 890. 912. 913. 932. 933. 934. 943. 944. 945. 952.
953. 954. 748.
749. 750. 758. 759. 760.
761.

Reblog or your mom will die in 928 seconds.

762.

askrickandmorticia:

sparktheblogger:

johnlock-empire:

iwanthajimehinatasass:

mysticmessheadcanons:

jumintales:

fandomyfangirl:

jonsaforlife:

kayleepetey:

mor-rigan:

dadd:

ryanhadblogged:

mexicanthighs:

smartwata:

trapbvby:

feels-ships-lunars:

thelunarchroniclesthoughts:

missprincessdancingsunshine:

prettylittleliarsfan901:

shippinglucaya:

riarkling:

bitchwithwifivevo:

celestialkeyprincess:

crazy-fairy-br:

blondespancakes:

insidethe99:

patrick-kanes-nose:

i-likethesummer-rain:

queenprotein:

stardusttx:

twirliest:

steampoweredplayer:

lollie-pond:

larryismyhallelujah:

thetasrose:

peachy-blisss:

myswagisnice:

I love my mom.

image

I am risking nothing

image

I AM SORRY FOLLOWERS, I LOVE MY MOMMY

Will not risk.

image

sorry followers :(

omg im so glad to se so many people love their mummy

Why’re you being mean to my mum?

goddamn it

Nope. Googled it. 15 minuets. Nope. Not taking any chances

Koop

This has 1.2 million reblogs …
Ps not riskin it

1.4 almost
ps not risking it

Fuck this post

2.5 million notes I hate myself

I reblogged this twice now

I’m so sorry this isn’t b99 related and this isn’t real but I can’t not skip this I’m sorry

Not taking a fucking chance

Sorry, guys, but Im not taking a chance

No chances… She’s out… And she must be protected.

How dare you

Whatcha doin to me Farkle!

i can’t risk it

sorry babes my moms just my favorite person ever

Sorry I can’t risk it

Fuck sorry guys  I love my mom

Omg I hate these things but I am paranoid. So sorry guys.

2.8 million notes

CANT RISK IT

Sorry guys

sorry 😩

IM NOT RISKING IT

I did, my mom is STILL DEAD. Works.

3.3 million notes GURLLLLLL

WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME PARANOID
:,(

Not worth the risk.

Why??

She’s on a plane right now, I am not risking anything.

sorry i love my momma too much

why??? no plz

(sorry now you have to do it and I’m not letting this happen)

please no

Fuck I’m so sorry but I’m really worried about her…

mom, be okay.

This is stupid buT nO, mY moM nEEds tO liVE dAmnIt.

763.
764. 765. 766. 772. 773. 779. 780. 788. 789. 799. 800. 823. 824. 846. 847. 889. 890. 912. 913. 932. 933. 934. 943. 944. 945. 952.
953. 954. 748.
749. 750. 758. 759. 765. 766. 772. 773. 779. 780. 788. 789. 799. 800. 801. 802. 803. 804. 805. 808. 809. 813. 814. 822. 823. 824. 846. 847. 889. 890. 912. 913. 932. 933. 934. 943. 944. 945. 952.
953. 954. 748.
749. 750. 758. 759. 760.
761. 762.

bunjywunjy:

OH YE OF LITTLE FACE

hey everybody, welcome to another amazing installment of Weird Biology and WOWIE ZOWIE do I have an odd one for you today!

this bizarre creature is among the largest of its kind, but bears hardly any resemblance to the rest of the family. (we’re sure this gets mentioned a lot at its family holiday dinners.) it has a real mouthful of a name and the spirit of a cranky old man about to whack you in the shin with his walker.

give it up for…

image
image
image

I’ll just give this image a moment to sink in.

(it’s also called the small-headed softshell turtle, because scientists are a bunch of mean highschoolers.)

seriously, I don’t even really know where to START with this guy. unlike the humble regular earnest hardworking turtle, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle does not have an armored shell (hence the name). instead, its shell is soft and leathery. like a pair of well-broken-in Timblerland boots, except that the boots will not bite you.

image

oh, he is absolutely going to bite you.

this soft pliable shell cuts down on the turtle’s weight by a huge amount, making them far more agile in the water and faster on land than a conventional everyman turtle (this should make you worried). the flattened shape of the shell also makes them more hydrodynamic, making them faster in the water than you can possibly imagine.

image

for a turtle, I mean.

this is an important advantage, because the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle spends most of its life in the water. they live on the bottoms of sandy rivers across a wide area of central and southern Asia, where they reach sizes best described as fucking huge. adults can reach up to 45 inches (shell length only) and 260 fucking pounds (whole damn turtle). 

their total body length can be over a meter. fuuuuuuuuck. a turtle that size needs a LOT of shoulder room, especially because the adults are a bunch of cranky ginormous chompmonsters. (can’t really blame them, I guess. I’d be irritable too, if my head was that small)

image

now imagine a cheesed-off 260-pound turtle swimming towards you at Mach Fuck.

Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtles are aggressive, and will attack anything they consider a threat (including humans, fishing boats, and probably also rocks). their primary attack is to just bite the fuck out of whatever is annoying them , but their secondary move is the one to watch out for.

when terminally pissed off, the turtle extends the full length of its surprisingly long neck and delivers a literal cannon headbutt. this attack has been documented as being powerful enough to damage fishing boats. imagine what it would do to your face. (nothing good. if you see this turtle winding up, run.)

image

the true face of terror.

when left to its own devices, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle spends its time buried at the bottom of the river, waiting for its next meal to happen by. (which it can do almost indefinitely because softshell turtles can breathe underwater, holy shit.) once another animal smaller than itself passes overhead the turtle strikes, mortally wounding the prey with its nightmare bite (no joke, the first strike usually kills instantly. this is a creature capable of taking a chunk out of your leg). it’s a pretty solid gig, if you’re a lonely grumpmonster.

image

beats pumping gas all day, I guess.

in fact, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle spends so much of its life underwater that we… don’t really know all that much about it. apart from the biting thing, I mean. the turtle has been very clear on that.

we’re not even entirely sure how long they live, though captive turtles have made it more than 70 grouchy, grouchy years. locals in India claim that in the wild individual river bastards can stick around for up to 140 years, which I am inclined to believe because these people fish for a living and they have to remember where the boat-sinking nightmare turtles live.

image

it’s only common sense.

despite its wide range, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle is now considered Endangered. (note: this is not allowed. what would we replace them with? large cantankerous frogs? big passive-aggressive catfish? I DON’T THINK SO.)

this is primarily due to human hunting, as the turtles are consumed in huge number throughout Asia. (humans will eat anything.)

the government of India has now moved to protect the turtle, restricting trade and moving to conserve the species. we dearly hope this will be enough to save the grumpy frumpy river grandpa.

image

please stay with us forever, Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle. we love your tiny tiny face and terrible attitude.

thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.

if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee to support Weird Biology.

IMAGE SOURCES

img1- Wikimedia Commons img2- conservationindia.org  img3-zoosrcool.wordpress.com  img4- Joel Sartore  img5- Turtle Survival Alliance   img6- Turtle Survival Alliance img7- The TeCake img8- Joel Sartore

763.
764. 765. 766. 772. 773. 779. 780. 788. 789. 799. 800. 823. 824. 846. 847. 889. 890. 912. 913. 932. 933. 934. 943. 944. 945. 952.
953. 954. 748.
749. 750. 758. 759. 765. 766. 772. 773. 779. 780. 788. 789. 799. 800. 823. 824. 846. 847. 889. 890. 891. 892.
893. 894. 897. 898. 899.
900.

the-troynicole-experience:

macdoesit:

This video has no chill….. (X)

Lmaoooooo STOP THIS !! 😂😂💀💀💀✌🏾️

901. 902. 903. 911. 912. 913. 932. 933. 934. 943. 944. 945. 952.
953. 954. 748.
749. 750. 758. 759. 765. 766. 772. 773. 779. 780. 788. 789. 799. 800. 823. 824. 846. 847. 889. 890. 891. 892.
893. 894. 897. 898. 899.
900.

gunsnhydrangeas:

fuck

901. 902. 903. 911. 912. 913. 932. 933. 934. 943. 944. 945. 952.
953. 954. 748.
749. 750. 758. 759. 765. 766. 772. 773. 779. 780. 788. 789. 799. 800. 801. 802. 803. 804. 805. 808. 809. 813. 814. 822. 823. 824. 846. 847. 889. 890. 912. 913. 932. 933. 934. 943. 944. 945. 952.
953. 954. 955.
956. 957.
958. 959.
960. 961. Back to Top 962. 963. 964.
965.
966. TitanThemes 967.
968.
969. 970. create a new version of this paste RAW Paste Data Relax Into Your Being
a-delightful-moment:
“@stasia_oliveira
”

a-delightful-moment:

@stasia_oliveira

eggy-boyo:

thequeensphinx:

sanders-sides-sins:

splatoon-jim:

sassy-in-glasses:

pumpkindobby:

jijarugen:

fnaf-thechoco:

pinkmanjesse:

DAY 15

GIVE IT UP FOR DAY 15

image

You can only reblog this 12 times a year

Make the most of that

Every month I reblog this and every month I’m baffled that it’s already the 15th.

I’m scheduling this for every month

IT ONLY APPEARS ON THE FIFTEENTH OF EVRY MONTH

THIS ONLY APPEARS ON 15THS WTF

*slams reblog button*

THIS IS IT! THE LAST REBLOG OF THIS POST OF THE 2010s YALL

:0 I didn’t even think about it like that-

cafeirene:
“IG
”

cafeirene:

IG

https://href.li/?https://quotemadness.com quotemadness.com

quotemadness:

“What a terrible thing it is to wound someone you really care for and to do it so unconsciously.”

— Haruki Murakami (via quotemadness)

inspodior:

miamlsunshine:

image

i n s p o d i o r

rickortytrash:

emeraldscholar:

rainbowgolded:

pantheris:

deadhisoka:

blackness-by-your-side:

image

The sign of high quality is the fact the book was banned by the government. Trash literature NEVER EVER had any troubles with the law.

FARENHEIT 451 IS ON THE BANNED BOOKS LIST???

IT’S LITERALLY ABOUT THE SOCIETAL DANGERS OF BANNING/OUTLAWING/BURNING BOOKS

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

That’s the reason it’s on the bloody list.

BECAUSE IT’S ABOUT HOW BANNING AND BURNING BOOKS IS WRONG.

HERE’S ALL THE PDF VERSIONS I COULD FIND SINCE WE’RE ALL IN QUARANTINE AND WE CAN’T PHYSICALLY GET THE BOOKS WE DON’T HAVE

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

The Autobiography of Malcolm X

Beloved

Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee (this was the only free version I could find, and it’s a downloadable thing, so do so with caution)

The Call of the Wild

Catch-22 (it was either this version or one where the entire thing was in comic sans font)

The Catcher in the Rye

Fahrenheit 451

For Whom the Bell Tolls

Gone With the Wind

The Grapes of Wrath

The Great Gatsby

Howl

In Cold Blood

Invisible Man

The Jungle (personally I don’t like this formatting, but the site doesn’t look sketchy so…) - there’s also this which is the proper book format in a pdf, but it’s directly photocopied so it might be hard to read some of the print

Leaves of Grass

Moby Dick

Native Son

Our Bodies, Ourselves (we learned about this one in APUSH!)

The Red Badge of Courage

The Scarlet Letter

COULD NOT FIND Sexual Behavior in the Human Male (the ebook is 47 fucking dollars??? and i can’t even find sketchy websites that’ll let me download a pdf. if anyone manages to find a link, lmk please)

Stranger in a Strange Land

A Streetcar Named Desire

Their Eyes Were Watching God

To Kill a Mockingbird

Uncle Tom’s Cabin

Where the Wild Things Are (this is a slideshow!!!! how fun)

COULD NOT FIND The Words of Cesar Chavez (however I did manage to download the first 71 pages of the book from EBSCO and I put it here but I couldn’t get the rest. sorry y’all)

rebloggan 4 links

This ia so wild because I am from Europe and most of them are still part of mandatory books and all of them are SO IMPORTANT for young people so they can understand psychology of people, politics and social norms? What are you guys reading instead???

Reblog or your mom will die in 928 seconds.

askrickandmorticia:

sparktheblogger:

johnlock-empire:

iwanthajimehinatasass:

mysticmessheadcanons:

jumintales:

fandomyfangirl:

jonsaforlife:

kayleepetey:

mor-rigan:

dadd:

ryanhadblogged:

mexicanthighs:

smartwata:

trapbvby:

feels-ships-lunars:

thelunarchroniclesthoughts:

missprincessdancingsunshine:

prettylittleliarsfan901:

shippinglucaya:

riarkling:

bitchwithwifivevo:

celestialkeyprincess:

crazy-fairy-br:

blondespancakes:

insidethe99:

patrick-kanes-nose:

i-likethesummer-rain:

queenprotein:

stardusttx:

twirliest:

steampoweredplayer:

lollie-pond:

larryismyhallelujah:

thetasrose:

peachy-blisss:

myswagisnice:

I love my mom.

image

I am risking nothing

image

I AM SORRY FOLLOWERS, I LOVE MY MOMMY

Will not risk.

image

sorry followers :(

omg im so glad to se so many people love their mummy

Why’re you being mean to my mum?

goddamn it

Nope. Googled it. 15 minuets. Nope. Not taking any chances

Koop

This has 1.2 million reblogs …
Ps not riskin it

1.4 almost
ps not risking it

Fuck this post

2.5 million notes I hate myself

I reblogged this twice now

I’m so sorry this isn’t b99 related and this isn’t real but I can’t not skip this I’m sorry

Not taking a fucking chance

Sorry, guys, but Im not taking a chance

No chances… She’s out… And she must be protected.

How dare you

Whatcha doin to me Farkle!

i can’t risk it

sorry babes my moms just my favorite person ever

Sorry I can’t risk it

Fuck sorry guys  I love my mom

Omg I hate these things but I am paranoid. So sorry guys.

2.8 million notes

CANT RISK IT

Sorry guys

sorry 😩

IM NOT RISKING IT

I did, my mom is STILL DEAD. Works.

3.3 million notes GURLLLLLL

WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME PARANOID
:,(

Not worth the risk.

Why??

She’s on a plane right now, I am not risking anything.

sorry i love my momma too much

why??? no plz

(sorry now you have to do it and I’m not letting this happen)

please no

Fuck I’m so sorry but I’m really worried about her…

mom, be okay.

This is stupid buT nO, mY moM nEEds tO liVE dAmnIt.

bunjywunjy:

OH YE OF LITTLE FACE

hey everybody, welcome to another amazing installment of Weird Biology and WOWIE ZOWIE do I have an odd one for you today!

this bizarre creature is among the largest of its kind, but bears hardly any resemblance to the rest of the family. (we’re sure this gets mentioned a lot at its family holiday dinners.) it has a real mouthful of a name and the spirit of a cranky old man about to whack you in the shin with his walker.

give it up for…

image
image
image

I’ll just give this image a moment to sink in.

(it’s also called the small-headed softshell turtle, because scientists are a bunch of mean highschoolers.)

seriously, I don’t even really know where to START with this guy. unlike the humble regular earnest hardworking turtle, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle does not have an armored shell (hence the name). instead, its shell is soft and leathery. like a pair of well-broken-in Timblerland boots, except that the boots will not bite you.

image

oh, he is absolutely going to bite you.

this soft pliable shell cuts down on the turtle’s weight by a huge amount, making them far more agile in the water and faster on land than a conventional everyman turtle (this should make you worried). the flattened shape of the shell also makes them more hydrodynamic, making them faster in the water than you can possibly imagine.

image

for a turtle, I mean.

this is an important advantage, because the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle spends most of its life in the water. they live on the bottoms of sandy rivers across a wide area of central and southern Asia, where they reach sizes best described as fucking huge. adults can reach up to 45 inches (shell length only) and 260 fucking pounds (whole damn turtle). 

their total body length can be over a meter. fuuuuuuuuck. a turtle that size needs a LOT of shoulder room, especially because the adults are a bunch of cranky ginormous chompmonsters. (can’t really blame them, I guess. I’d be irritable too, if my head was that small)

image

now imagine a cheesed-off 260-pound turtle swimming towards you at Mach Fuck.

Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtles are aggressive, and will attack anything they consider a threat (including humans, fishing boats, and probably also rocks). their primary attack is to just bite the fuck out of whatever is annoying them , but their secondary move is the one to watch out for.

when terminally pissed off, the turtle extends the full length of its surprisingly long neck and delivers a literal cannon headbutt. this attack has been documented as being powerful enough to damage fishing boats. imagine what it would do to your face. (nothing good. if you see this turtle winding up, run.)

image

the true face of terror.

when left to its own devices, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle spends its time buried at the bottom of the river, waiting for its next meal to happen by. (which it can do almost indefinitely because softshell turtles can breathe underwater, holy shit.) once another animal smaller than itself passes overhead the turtle strikes, mortally wounding the prey with its nightmare bite (no joke, the first strike usually kills instantly. this is a creature capable of taking a chunk out of your leg). it’s a pretty solid gig, if you’re a lonely grumpmonster.

image

beats pumping gas all day, I guess.

in fact, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle spends so much of its life underwater that we… don’t really know all that much about it. apart from the biting thing, I mean. the turtle has been very clear on that.

we’re not even entirely sure how long they live, though captive turtles have made it more than 70 grouchy, grouchy years. locals in India claim that in the wild individual river bastards can stick around for up to 140 years, which I am inclined to believe because these people fish for a living and they have to remember where the boat-sinking nightmare turtles live.

image

it’s only common sense.

despite its wide range, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle is now considered Endangered. (note: this is not allowed. what would we replace them with? large cantankerous frogs? big passive-aggressive catfish? I DON’T THINK SO.)

this is primarily due to human hunting, as the turtles are consumed in huge number throughout Asia. (humans will eat anything.)

the government of India has now moved to protect the turtle, restricting trade and moving to conserve the species. we dearly hope this will be enough to save the grumpy frumpy river grandpa.

image

please stay with us forever, Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle. we love your tiny tiny face and terrible attitude.

thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.

if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee to support Weird Biology.

IMAGE SOURCES

img1- Wikimedia Commons img2- conservationindia.org  img3-zoosrcool.wordpress.com  img4- Joel Sartore  img5- Turtle Survival Alliance   img6- Turtle Survival Alliance img7- The TeCake img8- Joel Sartore

the-troynicole-experience:

macdoesit:

This video has no chill….. (X)

Lmaoooooo STOP THIS !! 😂😂💀💀💀✌🏾️

gunsnhydrangeas:

fuck

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a-delightful-moment:

@stasia_oliveira

eggy-boyo:

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sassy-in-glasses:

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fnaf-thechoco:

pinkmanjesse:

DAY 15

GIVE IT UP FOR DAY 15

image

You can only reblog this 12 times a year

Make the most of that

Every month I reblog this and every month I’m baffled that it’s already the 15th.

I’m scheduling this for every month

IT ONLY APPEARS ON THE FIFTEENTH OF EVRY MONTH

THIS ONLY APPEARS ON 15THS WTF

*slams reblog button*

THIS IS IT! THE LAST REBLOG OF THIS POST OF THE 2010s YALL

:0 I didn’t even think about it like that-

cafeirene:
“IG
”

cafeirene:

IG

https://href.li/?https://quotemadness.com quotemadness.com

quotemadness:

“What a terrible thing it is to wound someone you really care for and to do it so unconsciously.”

— Haruki Murakami (via quotemadness)

inspodior:

miamlsunshine:

image

i n s p o d i o r

rickortytrash:

emeraldscholar:

rainbowgolded:

pantheris:

deadhisoka:

blackness-by-your-side:

image

The sign of high quality is the fact the book was banned by the government. Trash literature NEVER EVER had any troubles with the law.

FARENHEIT 451 IS ON THE BANNED BOOKS LIST???

IT’S LITERALLY ABOUT THE SOCIETAL DANGERS OF BANNING/OUTLAWING/BURNING BOOKS

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

That’s the reason it’s on the bloody list.

BECAUSE IT’S ABOUT HOW BANNING AND BURNING BOOKS IS WRONG.

HERE’S ALL THE PDF VERSIONS I COULD FIND SINCE WE’RE ALL IN QUARANTINE AND WE CAN’T PHYSICALLY GET THE BOOKS WE DON’T HAVE

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

The Autobiography of Malcolm X

Beloved

Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee (this was the only free version I could find, and it’s a downloadable thing, so do so with caution)

The Call of the Wild

Catch-22 (it was either this version or one where the entire thing was in comic sans font)

The Catcher in the Rye

Fahrenheit 451

For Whom the Bell Tolls

Gone With the Wind

The Grapes of Wrath

The Great Gatsby

Howl

In Cold Blood

Invisible Man

The Jungle (personally I don’t like this formatting, but the site doesn’t look sketchy so…) - there’s also this which is the proper book format in a pdf, but it’s directly photocopied so it might be hard to read some of the print

Leaves of Grass

Moby Dick

Native Son

Our Bodies, Ourselves (we learned about this one in APUSH!)

The Red Badge of Courage

The Scarlet Letter

COULD NOT FIND Sexual Behavior in the Human Male (the ebook is 47 fucking dollars??? and i can’t even find sketchy websites that’ll let me download a pdf. if anyone manages to find a link, lmk please)

Stranger in a Strange Land

A Streetcar Named Desire

Their Eyes Were Watching God

To Kill a Mockingbird

Uncle Tom’s Cabin

Where the Wild Things Are (this is a slideshow!!!! how fun)

COULD NOT FIND The Words of Cesar Chavez (however I did manage to download the first 71 pages of the book from EBSCO and I put it here but I couldn’t get the rest. sorry y’all)

rebloggan 4 links

This ia so wild because I am from Europe and most of them are still part of mandatory books and all of them are SO IMPORTANT for young people so they can understand psychology of people, politics and social norms? What are you guys reading instead???

Reblog or your mom will die in 928 seconds.

askrickandmorticia:

sparktheblogger:

johnlock-empire:

iwanthajimehinatasass:

mysticmessheadcanons:

jumintales:

fandomyfangirl:

jonsaforlife:

kayleepetey:

mor-rigan:

dadd:

ryanhadblogged:

mexicanthighs:

smartwata:

trapbvby:

feels-ships-lunars:

thelunarchroniclesthoughts:

missprincessdancingsunshine:

prettylittleliarsfan901:

shippinglucaya:

riarkling:

bitchwithwifivevo:

celestialkeyprincess:

crazy-fairy-br:

blondespancakes:

insidethe99:

patrick-kanes-nose:

i-likethesummer-rain:

queenprotein:

stardusttx:

twirliest:

steampoweredplayer:

lollie-pond:

larryismyhallelujah:

thetasrose:

peachy-blisss:

myswagisnice:

I love my mom.

image

I am risking nothing

image

I AM SORRY FOLLOWERS, I LOVE MY MOMMY

Will not risk.

image

sorry followers :(

omg im so glad to se so many people love their mummy

Why’re you being mean to my mum?

goddamn it

Nope. Googled it. 15 minuets. Nope. Not taking any chances

Koop

This has 1.2 million reblogs …
Ps not riskin it

1.4 almost
ps not risking it

Fuck this post

2.5 million notes I hate myself

I reblogged this twice now

I’m so sorry this isn’t b99 related and this isn’t real but I can’t not skip this I’m sorry

Not taking a fucking chance

Sorry, guys, but Im not taking a chance

No chances… She’s out… And she must be protected.

How dare you

Whatcha doin to me Farkle!

i can’t risk it

sorry babes my moms just my favorite person ever

Sorry I can’t risk it

Fuck sorry guys  I love my mom

Omg I hate these things but I am paranoid. So sorry guys.

2.8 million notes

CANT RISK IT

Sorry guys

sorry 😩

IM NOT RISKING IT

I did, my mom is STILL DEAD. Works.

3.3 million notes GURLLLLLL

WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME PARANOID
:,(

Not worth the risk.

Why??

She’s on a plane right now, I am not risking anything.

sorry i love my momma too much

why??? no plz

(sorry now you have to do it and I’m not letting this happen)

please no

Fuck I’m so sorry but I’m really worried about her…

mom, be okay.

This is stupid buT nO, mY moM nEEds tO liVE dAmnIt.

bunjywunjy:

OH YE OF LITTLE FACE

hey everybody, welcome to another amazing installment of Weird Biology and WOWIE ZOWIE do I have an odd one for you today!

this bizarre creature is among the largest of its kind, but bears hardly any resemblance to the rest of the family. (we’re sure this gets mentioned a lot at its family holiday dinners.) it has a real mouthful of a name and the spirit of a cranky old man about to whack you in the shin with his walker.

give it up for…

image
image
image

I’ll just give this image a moment to sink in.

(it’s also called the small-headed softshell turtle, because scientists are a bunch of mean highschoolers.)

seriously, I don’t even really know where to START with this guy. unlike the humble regular earnest hardworking turtle, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle does not have an armored shell (hence the name). instead, its shell is soft and leathery. like a pair of well-broken-in Timblerland boots, except that the boots will not bite you.

image

oh, he is absolutely going to bite you.

this soft pliable shell cuts down on the turtle’s weight by a huge amount, making them far more agile in the water and faster on land than a conventional everyman turtle (this should make you worried). the flattened shape of the shell also makes them more hydrodynamic, making them faster in the water than you can possibly imagine.

image

for a turtle, I mean.

this is an important advantage, because the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle spends most of its life in the water. they live on the bottoms of sandy rivers across a wide area of central and southern Asia, where they reach sizes best described as fucking huge. adults can reach up to 45 inches (shell length only) and 260 fucking pounds (whole damn turtle). 

their total body length can be over a meter. fuuuuuuuuck. a turtle that size needs a LOT of shoulder room, especially because the adults are a bunch of cranky ginormous chompmonsters. (can’t really blame them, I guess. I’d be irritable too, if my head was that small)

image

now imagine a cheesed-off 260-pound turtle swimming towards you at Mach Fuck.

Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtles are aggressive, and will attack anything they consider a threat (including humans, fishing boats, and probably also rocks). their primary attack is to just bite the fuck out of whatever is annoying them , but their secondary move is the one to watch out for.

when terminally pissed off, the turtle extends the full length of its surprisingly long neck and delivers a literal cannon headbutt. this attack has been documented as being powerful enough to damage fishing boats. imagine what it would do to your face. (nothing good. if you see this turtle winding up, run.)

image

the true face of terror.

when left to its own devices, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle spends its time buried at the bottom of the river, waiting for its next meal to happen by. (which it can do almost indefinitely because softshell turtles can breathe underwater, holy shit.) once another animal smaller than itself passes overhead the turtle strikes, mortally wounding the prey with its nightmare bite (no joke, the first strike usually kills instantly. this is a creature capable of taking a chunk out of your leg). it’s a pretty solid gig, if you’re a lonely grumpmonster.

image

beats pumping gas all day, I guess.

in fact, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle spends so much of its life underwater that we… don’t really know all that much about it. apart from the biting thing, I mean. the turtle has been very clear on that.

we’re not even entirely sure how long they live, though captive turtles have made it more than 70 grouchy, grouchy years. locals in India claim that in the wild individual river bastards can stick around for up to 140 years, which I am inclined to believe because these people fish for a living and they have to remember where the boat-sinking nightmare turtles live.

image

it’s only common sense.

despite its wide range, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle is now considered Endangered. (note: this is not allowed. what would we replace them with? large cantankerous frogs? big passive-aggressive catfish? I DON’T THINK SO.)

this is primarily due to human hunting, as the turtles are consumed in huge number throughout Asia. (humans will eat anything.)

the government of India has now moved to protect the turtle, restricting trade and moving to conserve the species. we dearly hope this will be enough to save the grumpy frumpy river grandpa.

image

please stay with us forever, Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle. we love your tiny tiny face and terrible attitude.

thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.

if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee to support Weird Biology.

IMAGE SOURCES

img1- Wikimedia Commons img2- conservationindia.org  img3-zoosrcool.wordpress.com  img4- Joel Sartore  img5- Turtle Survival Alliance   img6- Turtle Survival Alliance img7- The TeCake img8- Joel Sartore

the-troynicole-experience:

macdoesit:

This video has no chill….. (X)

Lmaoooooo STOP THIS !! 😂😂💀💀💀✌🏾️

gunsnhydrangeas:

fuck

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